How to have a healthy relationship

66515167_579201902486428_4498505263581495296_n.jpg

Be realistic -

Let’s be honest here,  we can’t be expected to be drooling over each other 24/7 for the rest of our lives, and this idea of “happily ever after” stuff isn’t going to do anything but set you up to fail. People go into relationships with unrealistic expectations and the moment that they think they aren’t head over heels anymore they think the relationship is broken. That is simply not the case, you need to understand that you are going to have your mornings where you wake up and think “oh god you’re still here..” this is totally normal ladies! And even more importantly, riding the emotional roller coaster out is totally worth it, because that, too, will change. It may be days or weeks or months, but you will look at that person and a massive wave of love will wash over you and you will think to yourself how you could ever possibly live without this person. Remember that love is “alive” and like all living things it is subject to change and is in a constant state of evolving, it expands and contracts, it declines and deepens. It isn’t always going to be how it is now and it won’t always be how it should be, I think if more people understood this , it would not only take the pressure off ourselves to be perfect, but it would take a lot of pressure off our partners too. 

Respect above everything else - 

“Once you lose respect you will never get it back.” 

Respect goes hand—n-hand with trust. And trust is the lifeblood of any relationship. Without trust, there can be no sense of intimacy or comfort. If you are truly in this together and you respect one another, you won’t keep secrets, you want to talk bad about them to other people, you will respect their perspective even if it is different to yours and you will respect that they have equal say in the relationship. Remember that you are a team and if one person in the team is not happy, then the team is not succeeding. Talk, talk ,talk, be it a weird sexual fantasy or even a silly little crush you might have, talk about it and have a giggle. Nothing should be off limits. 

YOU are responsible for your own happiness -

It is up to you to make yourself happy! This doesn’t mean that your partner can’t make you happy, but it is not their responsibility. Figure out as individuals what makes you happy as an individual, then you can each bring to the relationship. We talk a lot about sacrifices in relationships, as if you are supposed to be constantly sacrificing yourself for your partner and their needs. There is some truth to this as every relationship does require someone to choose to give something up at times. But I find that the problem here is codependent relationships have an inherent stability because you’re both locked in an implicit bargain to tolerate the other person's bad behavior because they’re tolerating yours. This just becomes an unhealthy damaging compromise, you become each others emotional hostage in which neither party truly deals with their own “shit” (for lack of a better word). Be accountable for your own happiness and grow together harmoniously. 

Read this with your partner, and be open to change and accepting of differences. And remember “respect above everything”

“Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary.” 

― Oscar Wild