Not looking after myself and struggling with PND

So many tears writing this....

So I have had over the past month a few different comments or messages from people who follow me saying things like...
"You have really let yourself go"
"Your so uninspiring..i mean look at you"
"You arent looking after yourself "
"You should take more care in your apperance"
"I cant believe your husband hasn't left you already" 
"You should be called fat with 5"
And so on.
Alot of what people have said is things I already feel about myself. 

Now i am first to admit that I am not looking after myself. I hardly sleep. Lift plus has slowly crept back in with way too many coffees. 
My water intake sucks. 
Some days i dont eat and other days i eat anything and everthing i can find. I am strugggling with my PND.
My hemorrhoids havent gone away neither have my huge dark nipples.
I have major bowel issues and since gettibg my tubes tied I have the heaviest periods ever.
I havent shave anyway for weeks. I some days dont have showers till the evening or next morning! My skin has broken out and I can't tell you the last time I exercised. 
My moods are all over the place and it doesn't help that things are a struggle at home and we are moving in under 20 days to a new city where we don't have any friends or support.
I am struggling at the moment and I know I am not alone. The old me would have taken care in her appearance. I know because of my PND I couldn't care less most days. I do Some days try. But not often.

I am trying to survive and get through each day at the monent. Some days are better than others. I am so grateful to be honest you have all stuck around. Some days i dont know why.
I know I am not motivating and super down most of the time and I'm sorry. I just can't pretend to be something i am not.

As a mum I know that I SHOULD be putting me first before anyone else because if you don't look after yourself and love yourself how can anyone else.

So one of my new years goals is too get back to the old me which I think i have lost. 
This year had been the hardest year of my life. I still cry when i think back to may and the trauma is still so raw. I know I need to sort that out and talk to someone.
I want to be the old bubbly me. I'm sick of feeling so down, sad and angry.
So come 1st Jan I am back on my Eating plan I was following before to lose weight, walking every second day, speak kindly to myself and off to see a doctor about my sleep (or lack off)
So i promising you all that next year I am going to do my best to share my journey back to the old healthy me. 

Who wants to join me?? Comment below if you do

6 months between pics

xx Sera

ParentingSera Lilly